Expectations are like belly buttons.
There are “innie” expectations… and, you guessed it, there are “outie” expectations.
Now hang with me for a hot minute. I really am going somewhere with this analogy… and your life will be forever changed because of it. You can thank me later.
Expectations of who we should be, what we should do, how we should do it, etc. have two sources of origination… ourselves (“innies”) and others (“outies”).
Once upon a time these “innie” expectations were the driving force behind who we were, what we did and who we eventually became. Little was mentioned and even less was discussed about one’s victories and defeats. Things were easily forgiven and often forgotten.
“You do you” was an authentic way of life… not just a catchy phrase or mantra.
Unfortunately, our advanced technology and social media trends have lured us away from pursuing what we truly want for ourselves and for our families. Instead, we have become fixated on what others are doing and what they have.
Duped into an “I want what they have” mindset, our dreams and desires are hijacked by the imposter of outsider expectations.
I’m sure you can relate…
- On Instagram, you see Lori’s picture perfect Mickey Mouse pancakes she served her children this morning… and just like that, it becomes your standard of a “good mom.”
- You watch Asa’s Facebook Live of her daughter’s Sweet 16 surprise birthday party… and without hesitation; you think of ways you can do better.
- You see Deja’s latest post of the gourmet dinner she served her family last night… and mumble words under your breath you wouldn’t want your mama to hear as you literally throw the frozen pizza into the oven.
Sister, you gotta stawwwwwwp it… stop it, stop it, stop it.
You are better than this. You are capable of more. You are aiming for the wrong sweet spot simply because you’ve got your eyes on someone else’s prize.
By now you know that I’m all about keeping things raw and real around here.. because I love hard that way. So, in the name of maintaining consistency with that theme, can we just call this trap what it is?
Friend, this is nothing but a shackle trap of jealousy and envy.
When you want what others have more than you want your own dreams and desires, you create unrealistic expectations for yourself.
This starts a snowball of frustration, strife, and comparison. You and I both know that these emotions don’t have a history of good outcomes.
Do you want to experience freedom from this prison of “outie” expectations… the ones that are sucking the life right out of you?
First sister, you’ve got to get clear on what YOU want for YOUR life. What does that look like? How do you need to show up? Then, stay in your lane and do the stinkin’ do.
Every once in a while, revisit your goals and evaluate your process. Celebrate those things that are working and make adjustments for the things that aren’t.
Finally, learn how to celebrate others and be intentional about it. When this becomes your natural response to others’ victories instead of envy or jealousy, you will want more of THAT in your life. The next thing you know you will be celebrating your own triumphs.
I’m not gonna lie, getting to this place is harder than brushing your teeth with a mouth full of Oreos. But, oh sweet friend, once you’re there, you’ll find it’s such a sweet, sweet place to be.
There is no sweeter spot than your very own spot of sweetness.
Do YOU. Be YOU.