“Happy wife, happy life…”
“If mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy…”
We laugh about these cliches (we may even spout them off with a little haughty sass), but they are spot on.
As women, we set the tone.
Whether it is in our home, in our relationships or at our 9 to 5, our mood, words, attitude and body language are contagious – they will get “caught,” the good, the bad… and even the ugly.
Unfortunately, this quality can be abused, as some will use it to demonstrate power or to manipulate.
I see it as a responsibility and opportunity to promote positivity.
But sister, it takes a lot of energy with a side of intentionality to be that positive “tone setter”.
I want you to think back to your eighth-grade science class. Do you remember learning about “potential energy”?
(in my best teacher voice) Ok class, let’s do a quick review: Potential energy is “stored energy waiting to do good things later on.” – (revised Kacie Vaudrey edition).
“Um Kacie, you just went from ‘setting the tone’ to 1980s flashbacks of big hair, leg warmers, Joan Jett, and neon nails. What the what?”
Oh, easy tiger. Don’t get your parachute pants in a wad. We are going places with this.
Now, back to “potential energy.”
Energy always has a source, right? Ok, so it’s simple science – there must be a source for energy to exist.
Just like the energy we learned about in our junior high textbook (aka “ancient curriculum”), women must have a source that fuels the “energy” necessary to show up as our best self.
Friend, here is my point: YOU can’t give what YOU don’t have.
You can’t pour from an empty cup… you must nurture the nurturer. End of story.
I believe the primary fuel source for the energy you need (and desire) to take care of others… is SELF CARE.
It is so much easier to put the needs of others before our own… in fact, it’s second nature to us.
It goes something like this…
- When the kids are fed, then I will go spend some time in the garden.
- When the laundry is done, then I will go for a hike.
- After I read 463 bedtime stories, then I will take a hot bath.
Somewhere in life we have fallen for the misconception that self care is selfish. Sister, I want you to know right here, right now, that selfishness is the least accurate descriptor of self care.
For anyone to say that self care is selfish is just crazy to me. It’s really the complete opposite.
It is selfish for us to neglect caring for ourselves because we ultimately end up denying our best self to others.
I have found that I am an overall better person when I make self care a priority. I show up better in my business, in my marriage, as a mother, in my relationships.
Friend, when I am intentional about caring for myself, I am less irritated, grouchy, emotional. When I am not disciplined with self care, I am more critical, negative, and short fused.
Now, you tell me… which “self” is more selfish?
When we don’t properly take care of ourselves, our battery runs low, our reserve dries up, our perspective goes south… and those we love and care deeply about are the ones who suffer the most.
Self care looks different for everyone. It is not a one size fits all.
- What do you enjoy doing?
- What makes you feel good about yourself?
- Who do you enjoy spending time with?
- What motivates or encourages you?
Spending time in my garden, taking a hot bath in the winter with a glass of wine or a Netflix series (or both), reading a book, Cribbage every night with my husband, sitting on the front porch catching up with my kids are the things that fill me up.They make Kacie a better Kacie so I can show up with all of me for all of them.
Maybe self care is as foreign to you as a tube top in the Arctic and you have no idea where to start. My advice to you… just start.
Identify those things that bring you joy and contentment and get them on the calendar.
Like legit, write those suckers down… schedule them like you do everything else (for everybody else) on your calendar.
Once you do these things consistently, they will eventually become a habit and you will notice the change.
And that, sweet friend, is when you discover that there is absolutely nothing selfish about self care. In fact, you will find it to be very rewarding for both you and those you love.
Need a little jump start with your self care momentum? Download my FREE eBook 101 Proven Ways to Practice Self Care Without Feeling Guilty.