We talk a lot about self care around here. Heck, I wrote an entire book on the topic.
If you’ve already read “The Sweet Spot” or have been around for a hot minute (or two or three), you know that I don’t live in a “ya’ just gotta dream big” space. Excuse me for a moment while I… bleh.
Nah, I show up in a place where I LIVE BIG… on purpose… e’ry. single. Day.
But here’s the deal.
A significant part of showing up as your best self is including others in your self-care process.
Sounds strange for me to say that, doesn’t it?
I mean “self” and “others” seem as opposite as the translation of the “Wanna snuggle?” phrase between husband and wife.
Ladies, we literally mean “Do you want to snuggle?”… you know, “hold me tight, say nothing, do nothing and let me fall asleep in your arms.”
What our menfolk receive under the guise of their masculine code is “Do you want to start off with snuggling?”
Ok, ok. Let’s reel it back in.
I want you to think about this for a moment.
What will happen if you intentionally practice self care to include the people you love the most?
It’s so easy to push those we love and care for the most toward the bottom of our priorities list.
Do you wanna know what really sucks about that?
The people who need us to show up in the biggest way end up getting what’s left of us…
… IF there is anything left.
When Mike and I got married, we made a pledge to one another that we would always make each other number one… even amid all of these kids and our complex life.
I will assume that you have probably made this same commitment (or a similar one) in a relationship.
But at some point, you let your guard down for what’s truly important. You failed to follow through on the vow you made, even though your words were rooted in the best of intentions.
Been there. Done that. Ridden that horse.
A while back, Mike and I traveled to Jackson Hole, Wyoming for our anniversary. We had planned the most amazing weekend together doing the things we loved doing – hiking, walking around the lake, drinking wine, eating out, deep conversations.
As we spent this time together, I became so overwhelmed with a conviction that I had not been doing what I had promised to do. Mike had not been my number one priority.
I was pretty stinkin’ good at the “self” portion of self care, but I had failed to include a very significant piece of the puzzle… my husband and my marriage.
Friend, I won’t candy coat this. Our marriage was in a really crappy place. It wasn’t because we didn’t love each other. That has never been an issue, nor will it ever be.
Our problem was that we weren’t taking care of one another like we had pledged.
I’m so thankful that we had that time to focus on one another and realize what was missing.
What would change if YOU included those closest to you in YOUR self-care regimen?
- What would happen in your marriage?
- How would it be reflected in the lives of your kids?
- How would it affect your relationships?
If we are not careful and don’t keep ourselves in check, “self care” becomes inwardly focused… and that’s actually “selfish care”.
Genuine self care encompasses every element of your life, both inside and outside.
Is it time to re-evaluate your self care regimen? Are there others you need to include?
Proper self care isn’t just about you. It must be about them, too.
Still confused on how to incorporate others into the ultimate form of self care? Maybe you’re burdened with an unhealthy relationship and this is a perspective you’ve never considered.
Either way, I would love to spend some time with you 8/brainstorming ways you can take your self care regimen to the next level where everybody wins. I have made time for you here.